
Miztakes: Oops or Ouch?
Richard Skaare
Mistakes are not what they used to be. They once were black and white, intimidating, and your fault. Now a mistake is more oops than ouch, encouraged as development, touted as a growth opportunity, and not completely your fault.
Errors do not have to be painful experiences, we’re told, but rather passages to understanding.
So, step right up, own your mistake and get credit. Well … maybe not.
Why not? The mistakes-as-learning argument sounds upbeat but here’s the reality.
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- Examples of good mistakes are few.
- You won’t find many public figures — a.k.a. CEOs, elected officials, clergy — admitting to specific mistakes.
- Lessons learned from mistakes are praised, but making mistakes is still assumed to be a flaw in the miscreant.
- Most organizations, including the family, are structured to prevent making mistakes.
- Risk-taking, which is loaded with potential mistakes, is talked about but not encouraged or rewarded.
- Mistakes are viral. Err and everyone knows about it.
– Some folks will be ostensibly sympathetic
– Some will identify and be empathetic
– Some will laugh it off with you
– Others will not say anything, just think it
– One or two people will use it against you. - Mistakes are memorable
We all know that mistakes can be forgiven (somewhat), but rarely are they forgotten. That’s because most of us relive our mistakes regularly. Some parade them out of guilt or anger. And, repeat the same mistake and the self-righteous among us will have instant recall.
Now we’ve circled back to the truth: mistakes are not achievement badges.
So, let’s bundle up our mistakes, learn from them all at once, and move on.
Here's how
1
Face It
Know that a mistake is just a mistake. Unless you repeat it consistently, a mistake is not necessarily an indictment of your abilities, your intelligence, your personality, or your upbringing. So, get on with your life.
2
Feel It
Most of the self-flagellation following a mistake is caused by embarrassment, which vaporizes quickly into a fog of confusion but which will lift after awhile to let you see and feel clearly again.
3
Contextualize It
A mistake is rarely made in isolation. Lack of information, misinterpretation, unexpected resistance – these and other factors and people can coalesce and cause you to make a hasty judgment, an erratic decision, or a wild guess – in other words, a mistake.
4
Zip It
Avoid compounding a mistake by overreacting or counteracting. Joking about your error regularly or beating up on yourself from time to time will keep the mistake visible. And going after those who judge your weak moment will only confirm your weakness.
5
Own It
A mistake that you made is your mistake. Make sure you have a good ethical compass handy to prevent you from blaming, weasel-wording, lying, suggesting, or gossiping and to keep you away from arrogance, anger, ennui, pride, or impulsiveness — all of which can trigger more serious mistakes.
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